How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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