All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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