Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
