WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
