Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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