Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
