i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
