fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
