Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
All the doctor said was why
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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