I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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