Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
