Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
