Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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