I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
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I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
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You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You are a genius and a whore.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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