just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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