Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
