I CAN MOONWALK!
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
