I bet he comes in French.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
