Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
