he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
