i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
