i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
