Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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