I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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