the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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