I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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