Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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