I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
