I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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