I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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