I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
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she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
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I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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