this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
