So drunk its hurt
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
