do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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