im six kinds of drunk right now
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
