It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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