Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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