i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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