Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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