So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
