somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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