My hand turned me down
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
