dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
