Where did you get a picture of my penis
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
