Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
