im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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