was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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