This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
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Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
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If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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