how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
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I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
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he had hair everywhere except his balls
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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