i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
