he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
