It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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