Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
