He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize