How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
