OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
