Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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