I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize