..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
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