whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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