Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
